Taking a big red pen to a little piece of work

I wrote this 20 years ago, and it was included in my first poetry collection, Exposure.

I took a big red pen to it recently, however, and I feel it's a bit better now, even though it could probably still do with more editing.

A prayer

By the light of the moon
in this sacred place
no glorious visitation
enthralls me.
No wondrous vision
assails my eyes
and clears this clouded mind.
As I talk to you
(half-expecting an answer),
all is quiet.

Can you hear me whisper in the shadows of night?
Do you see my hopes and dreams take flight?
Can you hear the pleas of my heart?
Do you feel the pain we feel, being apart?

Still,
no sound.
No startling revelation
comforts my soul
and enlightens my mind.
With heavy heart
and limbs growing cold
I turn down the path towards home.

And softly you follow.